Wednesday, August 3, 2011

What the Last Nerve's Grateful Looks Like

There is that saying about people who get on your last nerve, for me, more than not, it is usually about me getting on my own last nerve. Yesterday was about feeling jangly, irritable, pissed off, looking like crap, feeling like crap and deciding everything was crap. I'd left the playground, the giggles and the laughter buried in the nighttime pillow and although my hair was not on fire, I could feel the heat of the slow burn that was trying to erupt at my hairline (the one that was receding or had recessed where the grey had taken over and then washed over the whole of me beyond that.)  I was stuck in start-stop motion, and at least half of the seven dwarves who'd not been invited elsewhere had taken up residence at my house.  Driving down Franklin Street, (and thankfully the students weren't back to campus yet ) I got the nudge to try and shift it, at least make myself bearable to myself and the only thing I could think to do was trudge my way to grateful and throw myself in. So, I stop-started.
I am grateful for... sigh.
sigh. I am grateful for...
sigh.
All the people I love even when they drive me crazy.
Windows that work on the car since the a/c does not.
Ok. Just windows that work on the car.
That mama's car died with me in it and not her.
That when it happened I was at the gas station that had a/c.
That there are no students on Franklin Street.
(Half full-half empty, stop-start, start stop---Arlo Guthrie, "you can't have a light without a dark to stick in it." )
That I had sashimi for the first time in a year.
That my stomach is only hanging an inch over the top of my cut-offs.
That I can still wear cut-offs.
That my hair is clean and there wasn't as much as usual in the drain.
That D is a Meme.
That Banjoel has always loved me.
That my sweetheart called me beautiful today.
That Etnom will soon be holding out her hand to walk others into new life.
That C has come full circle and that the drop in the ocean she asked for had become the ocean itself.
That sometimes when others mother's-in-law move to town the dark side holds for a day or two.
That Mama wasn't fretting over not getting a social security check.
That K can walk.
That LL is there to support us all.
That I had been born here instead of a country where women were subservient.
That the men of my household had never believed in submissive women.
That the radio in my car is working today.
That I  know who Blue Merle is.
That dmm will climb this mountain of challenge as gracefully as he has climbed the others.
That there is a goddess woman of steel standing outside my front door.
That I could afford J's beer and my mangoes and papaya at TJ's today.
That Gaby Giffords made it to Washington against the odds, again.
That tomorrow will be the hottest day this week but then the nights will be cooler.
That I have a blog.
That I am writing my blog.
That I hear stories.
That I have eyes that can see.
That I have a heart that loves.
That I am surrounded by Earth Angels,  who laugh and snort.
That my being can accept that the awfully beautiful and the beautifully awful are one and the same.
That I can turn some bad-ass grumpy into some big-ass grateful.

3 comments:

  1. LOL LOL LOL Can you hear me roaring??? See the puddle under my chair?? Peed myself laughing!!! I absolutely adore you!!!

    "I could feel the heat of the slow burn that was trying to erupt at my hairline (the one that was receding or had recessed where the grey had taken over and then washed over the whole of me beyond that"

    LOL LOL LOL Are you sure your not talkin bout hot flashes??? Sounds like it to me. I know cuz I have several of them a day. xo♥

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  2. meme loves that post

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